Family.

 Life... goes on. Moves forwards. A fascinating thing, that; I'm not sure I was prepared for it. Around us, other lives move on as well. Progress from one point to another. Plans are made, futures are anticipated, if not quite set in stone.

I have been here for a year and a half. Half of it less than aware of myself, yes, but to some degree still here. Similarly, it has now been one and a half years since I died. And yet, life goes on. It moves forwards. I move forwards. My relationship... moves forwards.

Martin and I have been thinking about children. Not out loud and not really to each other, but both in our own corners, silently. I believe Tim has thought about the same subject, though from a different perspective. I want to lay down my thoughts here, but first and foremost I have to say that I am not ready or prepared to be a father. I wonder if that is normal for a 34 years old man to feel? It seems that I've lost so much of the time I should have had in my life to practice for that role, that now that I should be planning a family, the whole concept has caught me by surprise.

( Read more... )

(Supplemental. For the good old times.)

It really is difficult to believe that we have time now. That there is no rush. That we can - that I can - simply stop and breathe for a while.

Funny that.

I am trying to settle into it to my best ability, but the feeling of urgency, of alarm, never truly fades.