I've meant to reply to this since the day you wrote it and alas, I have not.
I know we have words about this that we haven't spoken out loud, some of which are here in your post, and some that we've simply let each other know, but to emphasis all of it - you are more than welcome between us anytime you need it, or simply want it. You are as much a part of me as you describe me being of you; I feel all these same things in return, which is... a relief, to know that you feel it too. You know how I feel about all the ways I let you down and I'm forever insecure about what that means for us here, but your love is welcome and reciprocated, I can only hope to be worth it this time around.
When it comes to your anger, I don't blame you for it. It's yours and you're entitled to it, as I am to my regret and guilt. I do hope that as time passes, we'll be able to heal these things together, and I hope that I can pay you back for the pain I caused before. From my end, you owe me nothing; what you did to me you did because of necessity, and if you hadn't, Orsinov would have done worse. So thank you, for everything. You gave so much for our sake, and I never thanked you for it once. Not... properly, anyway.
edit; Christ, has it been a week since you posted this? I'm sorry it took me this long.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-02-07 06:51 am (UTC)I know we have words about this that we haven't spoken out loud, some of which are here in your post, and some that we've simply let each other know, but to emphasis all of it - you are more than welcome between us anytime you need it, or simply want it. You are as much a part of me as you describe me being of you; I feel all these same things in return, which is... a relief, to know that you feel it too. You know how I feel about all the ways I let you down and I'm forever insecure about what that means for us here, but your love is welcome and reciprocated, I can only hope to be worth it this time around.
When it comes to your anger, I don't blame you for it. It's yours and you're entitled to it, as I am to my regret and guilt. I do hope that as time passes, we'll be able to heal these things together, and I hope that I can pay you back for the pain I caused before. From my end, you owe me nothing; what you did to me you did because of necessity, and if you hadn't, Orsinov would have done worse. So thank you, for everything. You gave so much for our sake, and I never thanked you for it once. Not... properly, anyway.
edit; Christ, has it been a week since you posted this? I'm sorry it took me this long.