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rainiesOn the offchance of looking like a pathetic, friendless loser who can't get the support of his team, I'm here again. In all seriousness, this is because I appear to live here now. In the whole past year that we've been aware of the system, not one of us has fronted this long in one go, aside from the host, as should be obvious. Well, I have, for now, replaced the host. I don't know why, and I haven't questioned it; I don't mind, and I have things of my own to focus on.
It's been five days. I think; I haven't been counting. Counting wasn't necessary when I first came to front. I assumed I'd be swapping places with someone in a day or so. I've barely heard from them. It's quite... early, to say, but such a shift is curious in terms of our functioning. Like I said, this is unprecedented, and a massive leap forwards in what we've been trying to achieve. Specifically, in terms of therapy, our goal is to develop a system of equality - with all of us sharing the life, rather than having a frontman, and becoming equally capable of handling all aspects of it.
I've noticed that I certainly have different strengths than our usual fronter. Eating is not one of them. I struggle to remember to eat at all, though part of this might be due to generic loss of appetite following our physical condition as it is. Speaking of which, this side, I believe, I'm proving to be rather adept at. We've suffered of chronic muscle tension in our back, shoulders and neck as long as anyone can remember, and after the booster shot, the inflammation made this situation much, much worse than it has been in a while. Let's just say I've made it a priority to change this. I am tired of the stiffness, tired of the extra effort it takes to move the body for basic things such as walking, and so tired of the nausea and numbness that results from inflammation and nerve pressure. I downloaded an app that alerts me to stretch for five minutes every hour.
I suppose it's working. I've followed it religiously for two days and the amount of muscle soreness that we've - I've - woken up with today seems to signal that something is happening.
I've also drank so much coffee that I've thoroughly irritated our stomach. I'm not sure how to change this situation, the craving is still there. I'll need to search up if decaf makes any difference - I assume it doesn't, the drink itself is acidic.
I assume no one is interested in my developing stomach ulcer. That's fine. I'm not sure what I'm writing here for. I have a lot of things I'd like to write about, but like everyone else so far, I find myself somewhat gagged when it comes to actually writing them. We've learned it by heart to never reveal ourselves in the open, and this is - well - I'm not sure how to undo that conditioning quite yet. Still, I'm particularly hoping that Tim would manage to crawl close enough to front to write his thoughts, this blog was made very much for that purpose, and there's very little else we can do to help him as it is now. We simply don't have the words, nor the understanding that he requires, to do so.
Might end up coming back here to write about introjection, if I ever manage to scrape my thoughts together on the subject. Saw a post arguing against fictives and repeating the ages old assumption that all of us should have developed from childhood media in specific, as if adults perhaps particularly now aren't using fiction as a means of self-reflection and parsing our subconsciousness, trauma and, well, everything. For once, this was not on Reddit. However, I find it irritating that I can't get my hands on any proper research or nuanced, educated dialogue on the matter, so talking about it seems redundant. My opinion is merely the opinion of one made-up person, after all.
It's been five days. I think; I haven't been counting. Counting wasn't necessary when I first came to front. I assumed I'd be swapping places with someone in a day or so. I've barely heard from them. It's quite... early, to say, but such a shift is curious in terms of our functioning. Like I said, this is unprecedented, and a massive leap forwards in what we've been trying to achieve. Specifically, in terms of therapy, our goal is to develop a system of equality - with all of us sharing the life, rather than having a frontman, and becoming equally capable of handling all aspects of it.
I've noticed that I certainly have different strengths than our usual fronter. Eating is not one of them. I struggle to remember to eat at all, though part of this might be due to generic loss of appetite following our physical condition as it is. Speaking of which, this side, I believe, I'm proving to be rather adept at. We've suffered of chronic muscle tension in our back, shoulders and neck as long as anyone can remember, and after the booster shot, the inflammation made this situation much, much worse than it has been in a while. Let's just say I've made it a priority to change this. I am tired of the stiffness, tired of the extra effort it takes to move the body for basic things such as walking, and so tired of the nausea and numbness that results from inflammation and nerve pressure. I downloaded an app that alerts me to stretch for five minutes every hour.
I suppose it's working. I've followed it religiously for two days and the amount of muscle soreness that we've - I've - woken up with today seems to signal that something is happening.
I've also drank so much coffee that I've thoroughly irritated our stomach. I'm not sure how to change this situation, the craving is still there. I'll need to search up if decaf makes any difference - I assume it doesn't, the drink itself is acidic.
I assume no one is interested in my developing stomach ulcer. That's fine. I'm not sure what I'm writing here for. I have a lot of things I'd like to write about, but like everyone else so far, I find myself somewhat gagged when it comes to actually writing them. We've learned it by heart to never reveal ourselves in the open, and this is - well - I'm not sure how to undo that conditioning quite yet. Still, I'm particularly hoping that Tim would manage to crawl close enough to front to write his thoughts, this blog was made very much for that purpose, and there's very little else we can do to help him as it is now. We simply don't have the words, nor the understanding that he requires, to do so.
Might end up coming back here to write about introjection, if I ever manage to scrape my thoughts together on the subject. Saw a post arguing against fictives and repeating the ages old assumption that all of us should have developed from childhood media in specific, as if adults perhaps particularly now aren't using fiction as a means of self-reflection and parsing our subconsciousness, trauma and, well, everything. For once, this was not on Reddit. However, I find it irritating that I can't get my hands on any proper research or nuanced, educated dialogue on the matter, so talking about it seems redundant. My opinion is merely the opinion of one made-up person, after all.
